Four reasons why breastfeeding is like sex

Baby brain can sound like an insult, particularly in our task oriented, mathematical and rational society. But if you have been to my workshop you’ll know that baby brain is all part of natures grand plan.

As a postnatal doula time and time again I see women who want to breastfeed overloaded with task oriented, mathematical and rational solutions. Mothers are shown photos of correct attachment, read books full of conflicting information and shown videos of swallowing and sucking. They are told to go on special diets, weigh their baby, express milk at specific times of day, measures millilitres of milk and time feeds and count wet nappies…

It seems to me that the more we know about breastfeeding the harder it is to actually breastfeed.

This is because breastfeeding is a right brain activity, something we learn by feeling and doing. It is not an intellectual or academic activity, breastfeeding is emotional and relational. And the more a pregnant woman or mother knows about breastfeeding the more her brain will be filled with a hundred things that could go wrong and a thousand things to remember. A breastfeeding journey that begins in the left brain will inherently carry with it anxiety, competitiveness or lack of confidence.

Breastfeeding is a relationship, a journey. It is not something we can get right or wrong, or something we achieve. I feel it could help to think of breastfeeding with our right brain, just like sex!

1. Breastfeeding is a learned skill

Breastfeeding often begins with a few awkward encounters, but in a loving relationship mum and baby can get really, really good at it, without ever reading a sealed section. Forget about the mechanics of it all. Just get naked and hang out.

2. Prepare the mood

Low lights and relaxing music go a long way. Gaze into each others eyes. Chat and coo and cuddle. You may just find one thing leads to another…

3. Let your baby lead the way

Communication is the key. Babies have the advantage of not yet being conditioned by our left brain culture, they haven’t read all the books yet. They live in the right brain very easily and naturally and know instinctively what to do. Where breastfeeding is a learned skill for a mother, it is an inherent ability in a baby. If you don’t believe me watch Baby Led Breastfeeding by Christina Smillie- the best breastfeeding movie EVER.

4. Nourish your baby instead of feeding your baby

If breastfeeding didn’t work out for you don’t feel like a failure. The best nourishment you can give your baby does not come in a breast or bottle, it comes from your heart. This is true even if you are breastfeeding, don’t think of it as a transfer of nutrients from one body to another. Just feel and enjoy your loving relationship with your baby.

A few more article about right brain and breastfeeding:

http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=559

http://theattachedfamily.com/membersonly/?p=1571

http://www.ameda.com/breast-feeding/how-much-do-i-need-know-i-breastfeed

Grief and depression after weaning

Oxytocin, as you probably know, is the feel good hormone that gets you all loved up to bond with your baby at birth. What many people don’t realise is that although it peaks at birth (between the birth of the baby and the birth of the placenta) oxytocin levels are high in a woman’s body for as long as she is breastfeeding.

If you have been to my workshop you’ll know that oxytocin makes mothers more tolerant of monotony and boredom, enjoy living in the moment, gives them the desire to spend more time with their baby and lowers their blood pressure.

Emotions like fear, anxiety, cravings, addictions, and boredom are all associated with stress hormones, which are inversely related to oxytocin. For example the more oxytocin you have the less adrenaline, and vice versa, so for as long as you are breastfeeding you have some natural protection from many of these unpleasant feelings.

Regardless of when and why you stop breastfeeding it will affect your hormones and it’s something we rarely talk about. When I stopped breastfeeding my own toddler a few months ago I expected to feel relieved. Instead I felt awful! I called my husband in tears saying “I want to start feeding her again!” I thought my daughter would resist weaning, but it actually seemed to affect me much more than her.

Interestingly I didn’t write about it at the time, maybe because I was too emotional. But I am writing about it now as a friend goes through the same thing and I realise we need to share these stories, and normalise the emotional experience of motherhood.

I feel that grief and depression after weaning is another important reason we need to be preparing women for a longer postpartum window. Mothers are frequently given the impression that after 6 weeks they’ll be on top of things, but recent research in the UK is finding that one year after birth is a more realistic timeframe for maternal adjustment.

Even as a postnatal doula I had never come across women experiencing grief and depression after choosing to wean. Maybe it was because I previously only worked with mothers for a few months postpartum (now I have expanded my services to support women for one year after birth). Or maybe I just wasn’t listening. Since my own experience I have talked to a number of mothers who found the same thing. 

Much of the research on depression associated with weaning focuses on mothers who cannot breastfeed, or whose babies self wean before the mother is ready. But this does not acknowledge the hormonal changes a woman experiences after weaning even if she chose to stop breastfeeding herself. Some women who breastfeed for as long as they enjoy it and wean by choice still find themselves spiralling into one or two months of depression after weaning.

I personally feel like the end of breastfeeding symbolises the end of a journey in which mother and baby have shared a physical body. It is normal to grieve the end of this connection, to feel a loss when your baby no longer takes nutrition for your body. And it is especially common for mothers to grieve after they wean their last child, knowing they will never experience breastfeeding again.

Only 14% of Australian mothers are still exclusively breastfeeding at six months, we talk a lot about the affect of early weaning on newborns, but how about it’s affect on mothers? I wonder how many cases of postnatal depression are associated with inability or decision not to breastfeed, and the subsequent effect on a mothers hormones?

The good new is there are many other ways to boost oxytocin levels, even if you can't or don't breastfeed, but you’ll have to sign up for my free workshop to find out more…

Who do you share with when you are exhausted or overwhelmed?

Birth is a big deal in our culture. With all the fear and intervention and trauma surrounding birth it is not surprising that most mums haven't given a second thought to life after the Big Event. If you are pregnant consider making a list of phone numbers (before the baby is born) of people or places who can support you (after the baby is born). You might include:

1. 24 hour breastfeeding helpline (1800 686 2 686 in Australia)
2. Lactation consultant for one on one support if needed (you'll need someone local, and don't just depend on your hospital, they sometimes aren't that well qualified)
3. 24 hour health advice helpline (1800 022 222 in Australia)
4. Three like-minded friends who have babies within a year of yours
5. Professional supports (maybe your midwife, obstetrician, doula, pediatrician or childbirth educator)
6. Depression helpline (1300 22 4636 in Australia)

5 kitchen spices for new mums

I love eating and I love the idea of healing with foods. It's medicine we can enjoy! Ayurveda, Indian medicine, would have us reaching for the spice rack for all sorts of common discomforts. Here's five spice to get you started.

Cumin kindles the gastric fire thereby improving appetite, reducing gas and aiding digestion of minerals in the intestines. It supports lactation and gently balances the hormones and restores the body’s tissues. Cumin is very popular in North Indian food, and more surprisingly, Italian food too.

Fennel is sweet, unctuous and warming. It is particularly valuable, in combination with fenugreek, for boosting your milk supply. It calms the nervous system and promotes mental clarity.  It can aid with digestive difficulties including abdominal pain and cramping. Fennel can be added to sweets such as rice pudding or biscuits. It adds a lovely liquorice flavour to Chinese food.

Fenugreek is known around the world for supporting breastfeeding. You may be advised to take fenugreek capsules, but Ayurveda recommends taking fenugreek as a tea, which is more balancing. Mix one-part fenugreek seeds with two-parts fennel seeds, add one teaspoon of this mixture to one litre of boiling water. Fenugreek is also useful for expelling the placenta and for the health of the reproductive organs.

Coriander can help with excessive thirst and digestive acid. Add fresh or seeds to stir fries, coconut curry and dhal.

Dill is a wonderful herb for colic. Taken by the mother the baby can reap the benefits including reducing hiccoughs, gas and cramps. Dill is sweet and warm and can be used in Mediterranean food or added the stews.

Three ways to get rid of mastitis once and for all

1. Rest, rest and more rest. This could really count for all three ways to get rid of mastitis. If you think back through the week prior to getting mastitis I'll bet you did one thing too many. You can probably pin point exactly when pushed through that aching tiredness to get just one more thing done. Stop now! If you've had mastitis once you are likely to get it again if you keep on keeping on. Resting is the single best way to avoid a recurrence of mastitis.
2. Massage out the lumps. It hurts, but it's worth it. Massage out the lumps whilst you feed your baby, or when you are in a hot shower for some pain relief. Your mastitis will clear up much quicker if you can unblock that duct. Using a hot water bottle directly on the lump prior to massaging it out will be easier and less painful.
3. Feeling hot, hot, hot! A fever is your bodies natural way of fighting an infection. You don't need to bring down your fever unless advised by your doctor. In fact you can help your body win the battle by having a really hot bath, or going to bed with a hot water bottle or by wearing extra layers of clothes.

And a bonus tip from Dr Jack Newman on when it is safe to avoid antibiotics

"If you have had symptoms consistent with mastitis for less than 24 hours, we would give you a prescription for an antibiotic, but suggest you wait before starting to take the medication.

• If, over the next 8 to 12 hours, your symptoms are worsening (more pain, more spreading of the redness or enlarging of the painful lump), start the antibiotics.
• If over the next 24 hours, your symptoms are not worse but not better, start the antibiotics.
• If over the next 24 hours, your symptoms are lessening, then they will almost always continue to lessen and disappear without your needing to take the antibiotics. In this case, the symptoms will continue to lessen and will have disappeared over the next 2 to 7 days. Fever is often gone by 24 hours, the pain within 24 to 72 hours and the breast lump disappears over the next 5 to 7 days. Occasionally the lump takes longer than 7 days to disappear completely, but as long as it’s getting small, this is a good thing.

If you have had symptoms consistent with mastitis for more 24 hours and the symptoms have not improved, you should start the antibiotics straight away."